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5 Valentine’s gadget gifts

1.Diamond Keyring

This bling key ring is a real gem. Every girl deserves a diamond at some time in her life, but the likelihood of her getting one this size is slim to say the least (unless you happen to own, and would consider selling, say, Wales).

With four rings for all your keys and a great big fat acrylic diamond key fob, the Diamond Key Ring is the ultimate accessory.

2.Klong

Aliens are normally (in that there’s anything normal about aliens) scaly and uncomfortably strange, but Klong is the exception to the rule.

He’s, or rather it’s, probably the first alien you’ll never want to stop hugging. Despite his shortfall in the eye, ear and nose department, he makes up for this by having ludicrously long arms and weighty little hands, which drape themselves lovingly around your neck in a very endearing extraterrestrial hug.

His skin is made from soft baby blanket wool and he’s filled with cosy, squishy stuffing which is great for nuzzling into. Klong is so soft and malleable that he can even be popped in your bag and be used as a travel pillow, both on earth and presumably off it ? he’s the perfect portable cuddle.

3.Frog to Prince

The saying ‘You need to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince’ may well be true, but it’s fraught with pitfalls, not least the fact that they don’t taste too good and many of them can be poisonous.

Snogging amphibians has never been that attractive a prospect, so what’s needed is the ability to improve your hit rate, enabling you to keep your pond stalking to a minimum. Somewhere there are people who worry about this sort of thing, which is in itself rather worrying, but also quite sweet – and they’ve come up with a solution.

The Magic Frog to Prince removes the need for the whole ‘kissing amorous hopping things’ behaviour (which must count as some kind of species abuse anyway). You simply add water to this little green fella, and within minutes he’ll be transformed into a handsome prince.

We use the word handsome in its broadest possible sense of course. Within 72 hours your prince will have grown to a mighty, if not very useful, 10cm in height. Diminutive and unable to whisk you off to his castle he may be, but he’s cheap, fun and people love him.

4.Giant Inflatable Heart

How big is your lurve? Cos this is real big lurve. This is the biggest lurve thaing out there, and of course it will be full of your sweet breath. The Giant Inflatable Heart is rather silly, and yet delightfully charming in the same breath, so to speak.

You can say it with words, you can say it with flowers, and in some parts of Latvia you can say it with custard, but what better way to say ‘I Love You’ than with an outrageously large inflatable heart.

5.I Love You Toast

There are myriad ways to say ‘I Love You’. Flowers and chocolates are hackneyed, and sky writing’s just absurd, but embossing the words in your morning toast is the best we’ve ever heard. What better way to start the day than with slices of hot buttered toast, that proclaim to the world in words unfurled, that they’re the one you love the most. Poetry was never our strong point.

This toast embosser (until recently not two words you’d expect to see together) transforms everyday bread into a missive of lurve. Simply press into a slice of bread, pop it in the toaster, and in a matter of moments you’ll have a slice of piping hot toast emblazoned with the immortal words ‘I Love You’, and if that doesn’t earn you major brownie points, we don’t know what will.

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